I’m trying to do my best

I’m trying to do my best

After months aku x post aper2, today tetibe dtg plak inspirasi nk menulis ni..I’m trying to do my best..not for me, but for you.. yes, u heard it right, all for you…Because???

I don’t know..

I don’t know why I’m trying so hard

I kept trying n trying..till I know the tears that I shed is not crystal clear anymore..

Its red in colour..

Fyi, that the sign that im hurt…

But then, what did u do???

You throw it away, like it was nothing

The tears that I shed, the blood that spilled..

You make it like.. “ohhh….”

That it…

Aku tak tau nk cakap ape. Kenkadang aku terpikir jugak, aper la salah aku kat dia ni sampai dia treats aku like I’m nothing. When I’m needed..yes, where is me eh??? Haaaa, there you are. Tapi kalau sebaliknya, it is like my existence in this earth disappear. Diakui mmg aku ni kuat kecik ati. Kat muka aku tak tunjuk sangat, tapi deep down the wound is there. Bapak sedare aku penah bagitau kat my dad, “ur daughter tu pendendam orangnyer. Don’t make her mad at you for long time, don’t treat her mother wrongly, don’t ignore her advise for you.. she only doing that to protect..” at first when I heard about this, I cried a lot..

Yes I admit,

My language is harsh

I barely smile but often laugh

I like give command but that for goods of you, not me

I want something but I sure can tolerate

But the thing is don’t hurt me

Because once you hurt me, I cant forget it..

I hate this part of me

Maybe that the reason people like to hurt me

Please don’t…

Lepas aku dah taip poem ntah aper-aper ni ntah, aku terpikir..perlu ker aku depressed2 macam ni? Aku emo-emo pun keadaan masih sama, aku masih kat sini, awak still kat situ.. nothing change.. kan? With puffy eyes and running nose, aku pun buat conclusion ni jer…

“I miss my mom…MOMMY!!! I LOVE YOU!!!”